Get used to it!

As I have mentioned before, we recently moved to my parents' basement apartment. It's very windy where my parents live and for the first few nights, it kept me up. Now it doesn't seem to make much of a difference in my sleep patterns, and as long as Squirmy sleeps well, I sleep great.

Since elementary school, I have had chronic migraines. Over the years I've learned that the migraines come from things like eating too much sugar, not drinking enough water, and having onions. While I can usually moderate my sugar and water intake, it's hard to know exactly what has onions in it and what doesn't. (Especially since they so often look like the clear part of tomatoes!) Because I am not able to distinguish very well what has onions in it, I still end up with many headaches. I'm used to it now, though. With most migraines, I am now able to function somewhat normally during the day because I am used to the pain and know what to expect.

I feel like this human ability to get used to things can be a great blessing, like when a family moves to a different neighborhood and the children are able to make new friends and become part of the community. Or when things aren't going so great financially and you need to live within a smaller budget. Human adaptability is truly a great thing.

However, I feel like care should be taken to not get used to things that aren't good. In an extreme case, one should not get used to abuse and believe that they have come to deserve it. Do not believe that it is the norm.

Just like we shouldn't believe abuse is normal, we shouldn't believe other negative things are normal as well.

During road trips to California, I notice that as we get closer and closer to our destination, I tend to go a little faster than I should. When there are no stop lights and hardly anything in view, it's easy to try to justify your right to go faster than the speed limit. I then find that for the next week after I get back from vacation that I need to routinely slow down my speed on the highways because I've become so used to the higher miles per hour.

The same goes for movies. There was a point in my life where I began to watch almost whatever movie was in the theater. I didn't seem to have many standards when it came to what I viewed, except that I wouldn't see movies that were rated R. However, I saw plenty of PG-13 movies that probably should have been rated R. I got used to the poor language, large amounts of violence, and the sex/nudity that I saw on the screen. If ever I wondered whether I should watch a movie, I would compare the ratings to another movie I had viewed recently. ("I think one of these other movies I saw had this much violence, so this movie should be okay, too.")

It wasn't until I broke up with my movie-going boyfriend that I stopped watching as many movies and became more sensitive to what I viewed. For awhile there I would pull out a movie I had really liked in the past, only to spend the whole time watching it cringing and wondering what I had been thinking when I liked it so much in the past.

One thing I get used to very quickly is repeating my prayers over and over again. The reason why this is a problem is because I truly believe that God is a person and that He listens to my prayers. If I keep repeating my prayers, then I am not really conversing with God at all. I need to remember He's my Heavenly Father and even though He knows what is going on in my life, He still wants to hear from me.

To correct this habit or adaptation of mine, I like to create prayer lists for my morning and night communication with God. This is a list consisting of: 1) people or things I am thankful for, 2) people who may need blessings or help, and 3) things I need help with.

I do this because I know that God answers my prayers. In fact, He answered one of my prayers last week. I was doing genealogy and prayed to find an ancestor's parents. Not only was I able to find this person's parents in under four hours (I had been looking for years), but I was able to find their six other siblings as well. Imagine my excitement!

What can you do to break your habits or change what you think is normal? Comment with your ideas!

White is okay before AND after Labor Day

Last week I attended my little sister’s Evening in Excellence. This is an occasion when the young women in the ward present projects they are working on to achieve their Personal Progress award.

Just before the presentation of young women, one of the leaders spoke on what it means to choose the right. She likened the color white to good and the color black to evil.

She then asked us if there are any gray areas. My first thought was an affirmation, but I was wrong. She told us that white was white and that any little evil entering into it, being ever so light gray, would still spoil the white and it would be white no longer until repentance. She mentioned that gray would always be on the same side as black.

She then asked us if there was somewhat of a line between white and black where we could enter and be safe. I knew the answer would be no for this one. There is no space between white and black, there is not a “kind of good” or a “kind of bad.” There is just good and evil.

Obviously this is a very strict way to look at things. But that is what exact obedience to the Lord is. This hearkens back to Alma 57:21 in talking about the army of Helaman. When they obeyed with exactness, they fought a war against the Lamanities in which none of them were killed. Their faith in God carried them. We should remember their valiance when faced with small or big decisions about whether to choose good or evil.

However, for those who have scrupulosity or other debilitating mental disorders, or even for those of us who aren’t sure how to stay “white” without repenting for every single un-excellent thing we do, it is helpful to remember Elder Dallin H. Oak’s talk entitled, “Good, Better, Best.” He never says that it is okay to do evil, but he helps us understand in what ways we can

improve in doing good and right things.

Here are some of my goals to trade the good things I do for better or best:

Watch less television. Since we moved into my parents home with working cable, it’s easy to turn on the television while I’m nursing or bored. It’s only been a week, but I can tell that when I spend more than 30 minutes on the television, my mind and body start feeling sluggish and it’s unlikely I will get much done the rest of the day unless I turn it off.

Eat healthier. I didn’t read this article, but I noticed that on BYU’s homepage, it mentions that eating unhealthily leads to a decrease in metabolism. L I’m such a stinker when it comes to snack and treats. I have about 6x a fair share a day.

Listen. It’s easy for me to jump in with my opinion about each and every sentence a person says. I need to remember that a sentence is only a small part of a major thought. I need to listen better. Like my Grandma J advised when I was the R.S. pres in our married student ward, if you listen for a long time, you will find that people open up to you more and you are better able to help with their problems. I saw both of my bishops in the married ward do this to me when I met with them and it did make me talk and open up more.

Comment with ways you are trying to improve your life!

Love,

Mrs. Unbe

A Little About Women (Meal Time!)

I’m not against women having equality with men. Women should get the same pay in the workplace. Women shouldn’t be viewed as objects by the media and the world. Etc.

But honestly, I don’t think that women and men always have the same roles. The time has come to let people know where I stand about women wanting to receive the priesthood right now, when at this time it is not God’s will. (And perhaps might not ever be.)

My husband and I often share chores in the house. When he comes home from work and school, he changes the baby’s diaper and sometimes will help me clean the house. When he is at work, you might find me balancing our budget, mowing the lawn, or even using the electric drill. We have found that it is important to communicate with each other about what responsibilities and expectations we have in the roles we play. I don't think I'm entitled to having the priesthood. If at some later date, the prophet says that women can receive the priesthood, I will believe him. Until that time (if it ever even happens), I keep this list in my head:

Husband/Father’s Main Roles: 

• Protect
• Preside
• Provide
• Partner with wife in nurturing

Wife/Mother’s Main Roles:  

• Nurture
• Partner with husband in protecting
• Partner with husband in presiding
• Partner with husband in providing

About a week ago, I was reading in 2 Nephi 13, which is pretty much the same as Isaiah 3. While talking about the latter days and daughters of Zion, Isaiah says in verse 12:

“And my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them.”

Now, who do you think has the most influence on children more than any thing or person? Their mother. (Think back to the sons of the Ante-Nephi-Lehites and research scientific articles. They usually point back to the mother and/or parent unit.

Now, if the mother is seeking power, to “rule over them,” then is she fulfilling her role as nurturer? I guess the honest answer is probably not. If that is the mother’s greatest desire is to be a leader, then her greatest desire is not to be a nurturer. When she decides that nurturing goes on the back burner, then it seems obvious that “children [would be] their oppressors.”

I’m not going to go too deep into this. It can get nitty-gritty, but just let that sink in a bit.

Now, let’s talk about a wife’s role as a partner.

Partner in protecting: It is important for the mother to protect her children physically. Already I have rescued Squirmy from a bunch of mishaps through my physical protection for her. However, it is also important for parents to protect their children spiritually. I find that often it is my responsibility to set the spiritual tone within the home.

Here are some ways we can do that:

• Truly be there mentally for our children and husband. Try to understand them and listen.

• Play uplifting music and conference talks. Let only good media be in the home.

• Encourage individual scripture study and prayer, while also helping gather the family in for Family Home Evening and daily group scripture study and prayer.

• Attend the temple and show our children that we truly love it and try to keep the covenants we make at baptism and in the temple.

Partner in presiding: I don’t have much for this, so I would love to see your comments about it below.

What I do know is that a single mother, or a mother whose husband isn’t home, can have the power to preside over her family in righteousness. She may call on children to say prayers and hold interviews with her children. (Correct me if I'm wrong!)

Partner in providing: I truly believe that there are no roles more important than me being a good wife and mother. For some, being a good wife and mother could include working and for others, it does not.

Mister and I decided that as soon as I had Squirmy, I would stop being the breadwinner in the family. We would move forward the best we could with saved funds and Mister’s part-time job. We have been blessed immensely by this change, but I can say that there have been financial struggles. Yet, we remain out of debt and we are able to provide the basic necessities for ourselves.

 

However, partnering in providing doesn’t always mean bringing in an extra income. It could be about doing all you can to support your husband going to work or school. This could mean being an emotional support when he is feeling stressed. It could also mean packing the best lunches for him ever and having a nice dinner planned for approximately the time he gets home.

What are some of your ideas in to partner with your husband in providing?

Anyway, I want to hear your thoughts and ideas. Please don’t write any comments that are just plain mean. I don’t mind ones that don’t agree with my points of view, just as long as they are courteous.

Love,

Mrs. Unbe

Why was Jesus Christ baptized?

Why was Jesus Christ baptized?

Being born in the church, I always thought I knew the answer to this one. It was to be an example to all of us, His brothers and sisters, of course.

Well, that was kinda right, but it's not the whole answer.

Check out 2 Nephi 31:7-9. This is what I read last night during my personal study of the Book of Mormon. I was surprised at what I found.

So why was Jesus Christ baptized? I found at least three reasons in these verses:

1. to humble Himself before God
2. to show God that He would obey the commandments
3. to show the children of men the straitness of the path, and the narrowness of the gate

I thought number three was especially interesting. The way to the celestial kingdom is so perfect, so important, that even Jesus Christ had to show everyone that He needed to be baptized, or that at least everyone else had to be baptized to have a chance at exaltation.

Hope you liked your snack! Comment with your thoughts and ideas. I would love that!

Mrs. Unbe

"Everything Has Changed" Snack Break!

Right now we're in the process of moving to my parents' basement. Before we had our newborn baby, we calculated that we saved enough to keep us in school housing for a year until Mister would go to graduate school. Six months later we realized that money was quickly depleting. We tried to find ways to not go into debt for an apartment. Should we cut down on visits to the family, not eat more that $100 of groceries every month, live in a cardboard box on the streets? Nope! (Obviously, all those are not very plausible.) Our answer was to move to my parents' house and find Mister a better job. (We're still working on the latter.)

Moving anywhere while having a newborn is tricky, although I'm sure not quite as tricky as having a newborn AND more kiddos. Our goal was to move in this Saturday, but with Mister having three tests this week and almost none of the parentals or siblings being able to help, it's been pushed into a much longer moving process. (Can you imagine what we've collected over the years?)

Anyway, so it's practically just me moving everything... with a newborn who likes to play and cry and eat about 80% of the day.

Yesterday I was at the end of my fuse. Squirmy had been restless all day and has even been sporting a toe infection to boot. As I was trying to feed Squirmy last night, she just kept reeling herself away from me. I was finished with trying in about 2 minutes. I plopped her on her bouncer in front of my mom and sister, and then curled on the armchair with my hands over my face.

My mom took Squirmy and rocked her to sleep in about five minutes. Then she told me to go pick up my husband from school.

During that trip I prayed and cried and prayed again. I wanted to feel more love for my daughter. I wanted to know how to be less stressed out about the moving situation. I wanted to know if Heavenly Father thought I was a bad mom. I also wondered if he could put my favorite song on the radio.

Three things happened quickly.

The first was that I began to understand more about Heavenly Father's own children. How easy is it for us to be frustrated with someone or something we don't understand? Super easy! And then once we finally understand it, we are less prone to anger or frustration. This is like what happened with Squirmy and me. Squirmy didn't want food. She wanted to sleep. If understood that, would I have given up taking care of her, even for a few minutes? Instead, I would have easily swaddled her up and rocked her to sleep.

So how often do you or I get frustrated with a person driving in front of us because we don't understand what they're going through? Sometimes I like to think of a list of possibilities of why the driver in front of me is acting like he/she is.

• Having a baby (BIG ONE, though not very likely)
• Just got in an accident
• Driving home a newborn baby from the hospital
• Has a migraine
• Is trying to put a pacifier in their crying/screaming baby's mouth
• Just got engaged
• Is learning to drive

The list is mainly only things that I can relate to because that's what I understand.

Next time you're frustrated or angry with someone, just try to realize that maybe if you think you understand the situation, you don't. You're not in their head and you haven't experienced everything they've gone through.

The second thing that happened was that Taylor Swift's "Everything Has Changed" came on the radio.

Number three. Mister saw me crying in the front seat, gave me a big, long hug, and stayed up all night with Squirmy.

Oh, how I love God, the Atonement, my husband, Squirmy, and my family.

Mrs. Unbe

Six Snacks a Day

During my childhood we had six strict mini-meals a day.
.6:00 AM: Breakfast
10:00 AM: Healthy Snack
12:00 PM: Lunch
3:00 PM: Treat
5:30 PM: Dinner
6:30 PM: Dessert

My favorite meals were definitely "Healthy Snack" and "Treat." I would sit in front of the stove clock for minutes waiting to forage the cupboards for good-tasting yumminess.

In later years, during my study in exercise science, I found that having six meals a day was a great way to boost the metabolic rate and provided many benefits, one of them being weight loss (if you consider that a benefit).

I'm a happy member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (or the Mormon church). We are taught to "feast upon the words of Christ" (2 Nephi 32:3, Book of Mormon). To me this means that when I read the scriptures daily, I need to truly study them and ponder, seeking to understand the meaning and apply what I am learning.

I also believe that we must "always remember [H]im," who sacrificed His life so that we might live with Heavenly Father and our families again (Moroni 4:3, Book of Mormon).

One night as I was seeking to know how to feel closer to Heavenly Father, I realized that I need to keep remembering Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and my covenants throughout the day, maybe even six times a day. I could remember by giving myself little "snacks." These snacks could include heartfelt prayers, scripture study, doing family history, studying an article from the Ensign, serving someone, or other various things that I feel draw me closer to God. By allowing myself these little snacks of time, I could increase my spiritual metabolism.

Just like all cool kids, I want to share some of my snacks with you! A couple times every week, I will post what I have been learning and studying. Hopefully it will boost your spirituality, too.